Trying to be me.....

I am absolutely loving this at the moment

Thinking of trying it myself actually

People make it really hard for me to trust them. They do things, say things that make me feel like I am being strung along and not taken too seriously. yet I keep thinking good things of these people, keep believing them, keep trusting.

I can't live like that any more. I can't keep putting myself through the same things over and over again.

So where do I go from here? Do I mistrust everyone? To be honest thats not me. I couldn't go around having no faith in anybody. But I can't keep trying over and over again, I can't keep offering things to people when the truth is they don't deserve it.

I won't keep trying. Its their loss and I know I am a good friend to people, willing to help, wanting to be there if people have problems. I can't keep wasting my time on people who won't reciprocate its too frustrating, its too heart breaking.

So no more. I have to stop worrying over it, I have to stop caring and I have to stop trying. Its too hard to stay that way. Its starting to get easier to be the way I want, and knowing I have other things to focus on makes it easier too.

Just a few thoughts after a few annoying and upsetting hours.

Someone recently asked me to tell him the 3 best things about myself. What I chose was my corset obsession (c'mon it was a guy I was chatting to ) my love of music, and the fact that I consider myself... different!

In fact anothe guy once told me that if there was a slot machine for women, I'd have a slot all to myself (It was his way of paying me a massive compliment )

And I don't know many women like me, in fact I don't know any!!

I mean where else can you find a girl who likes F1, rugby, football, knows a bit about cricket, can build robots, loves technology, loves music and has an obsession with corsets, stockings, boots and heels?? Loves skirts and make-up and jewellery??

Yeah I think I am able to describe myself as unique

Hmmm its been a while since I've been here, I've even been a little quiet on the poetry front... I only seem to be able to write when I am feeling very emotional Although I did think of one in bed the other day but naturally I had forgotten it in the morning I was being far too lazy to get up and write it down

So I still want to make this my demo blog... but... haven't managed to find a way of condensing the demo's I make...arrrgghh!! I probably need better equipment really, but what I have would do, if I could bloody convert to mp3s!!! Stupid software!!

Maybe I should just go to karaoke, film myself and upload to youtube???