Trying to be me.....

Alone but not..

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-06-15 – 14:23:04

Today I sit at a computer like I do so many weekends, but this time its different, today I am not at home, in my bedroom hiding away. I say Hiding away because when I sit and think, if I am completely truthful, thst is what I do.

But today, I may be alone, but for once I am not loney, for once I don't feel the need to be here (as in internet here)

I have been quite happy to sit on the sofa and watch tv!

Currently though I am trying to figure out where i can find drivers for a soundcard and install them, whilst I have on TMF with soppy rock songs for dad on in the background :))

Clock watching...

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-06-13 – 15:27:51

I feel all tense.... I can't concentrate on work....the time is crawling by.... when will it be 5.00??..... I look at the clock.... 15.25..... I swear it has been 15.25 for the past half an hour!..... Maybe my PC is bust??..... I check my phone and watch just to be sure.... damn!! Its 15.26 :))

Needless to say I have plans this evening and can't wait for the end of the day :))

Today....

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-06-12 – 14:38:30

I feel all happy and sparkly...

and I can't wait til tomorrow :>> :>> :>>

Stoppin the Love

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-05-18 – 22:22:49

I am absolutely loving this at the moment

Thinking of trying it myself actually

End

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-05-18 – 19:15:39

People make it really hard for me to trust them. They do things, say things that make me feel like I am being strung along and not taken too seriously. yet I keep thinking good things of these people, keep believing them, keep trusting.

I can't live like that any more. I can't keep putting myself through the same things over and over again.

So where do I go from here? Do I mistrust everyone? To be honest thats not me. I couldn't go around having no faith in anybody. But I can't keep trying over and over again, I can't keep offering things to people when the truth is they don't deserve it.

I won't keep trying. Its their loss and I know I am a good friend to people, willing to help, wanting to be there if people have problems. I can't keep wasting my time on people who won't reciprocate its too frustrating, its too heart breaking.

So no more. I have to stop worrying over it, I have to stop caring and I have to stop trying. Its too hard to stay that way. Its starting to get easier to be the way I want, and knowing I have other things to focus on makes it easier too.

Just a few thoughts after a few annoying and upsetting hours.

A slot all to myself...

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-05-15 – 21:45:31

Someone recently asked me to tell him the 3 best things about myself. What I chose was my corset obsession (c'mon it was a guy I was chatting to ) my love of music, and the fact that I consider myself... different!

In fact anothe guy once told me that if there was a slot machine for women, I'd have a slot all to myself (It was his way of paying me a massive compliment :)) )

And I don't know many women like me, in fact I don't know any!!

I mean where else can you find a girl who likes F1, rugby, football, knows a bit about cricket, can build robots, loves technology, loves music and has an obsession with corsets, stockings, boots and heels?? Loves skirts and make-up and jewellery??

:)) :))

Yeah I think I am able to describe myself as unique

Ooh hello...

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-05-12 – 22:25:36

Hmmm its been a while since I've been here, I've even been a little quiet on the poetry front... I only seem to be able to write when I am feeling very emotional :)) Although I did think of one in bed the other day but naturally I had forgotten it in the morning :roll: I was being far too lazy to get up and write it down :))

So I still want to make this my demo blog... but... haven't managed to find a way of condensing the demo's I make...arrrgghh!! I probably need better equipment really, but what I have would do, if I could bloody convert to mp3s!!! Stupid software!!

Maybe I should just go to karaoke, film myself and upload to youtube???

:)) :)) :))

Decisions Decisions...

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-04-05 – 20:56:02

This blog is going to waste a little, I don't really write much here at the moment! But I don't want to get rid of it

It has been suggested to me that I create a blog to showcase the demo's I record and was wondering if I could use this as its here and just gathering dust currently??

Its something I am currently considering and just wondered about. I mean I know I have to sort out the way I record as the demo's I currently have are massive!! I also wonder if there maybe copywrite issues?? :-/

Hmmm decisiond decisions....

Dreaming....

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-03-09 – 19:03:16

the other day I asked my mum to keep an eye out when she was shopping to see if there were any nice, suitable skirts for work, I don't know if she did cos she nnever said :))

Anyway last night I had a dream, and in the dream I asked her the same thing.

So when she got back she had bought me a few things.... a micro mini skirt (one I saw a few weeks and liked, but didn't buy because it was too short) and a pair of the shortest hotpants you'd ever seen!! they were black and white and had see through bits on :-/ and to go with them I had a pair of half see through frilly knickers :)) (All the see through bits were at the back, not the front though :)) )

Its all a bit weird, because even though I wear mini skirts, they're not micro mini ones, and the only pair of hotpants i have are actually a bit big (despite being "age" 14 :)) )

But never mind.... I found myself a nice pin striped, hanky hem skirt on ebay express today I hope it comes soon, it looks great :>>

Disappointing...

by Akashamustbekept ^Pro @ 2008-02-25 – 10:09:53

Or maybe not as the case maybe...

But you do feel a kind of let down when you steel yourself for something, only to have it not happen.

I planned to come in today, and meet D without embarrasment... I wasn't going to blush or anything like that, I'd just smile slightly and get to work... and he's not around :roll: typical!!

Ah well, I should get on with work, however I can't, as there has been a network failure, and I either need Outlook, or the intranet to get on with things and I can't access either!! :roll: typical!!

What shall I do now then :??: :)) :))

In other news my throat and head hurt slightly, its not good